In March or April, Lacie began talking about her birth mom a lot – not really asking about her yet, but acknowledging that she exists. Lacie will say to me, “my birth mommy was my first mommy, and you are my second mommy and my forever mommy. And you are my favorite mommy.”
Then a few weeks ago we had this conversation – It is sort of unpleasant at first so bare with me.
Lacie: Mommy, what is puke?
Me: It is when you eat something and your tummy feels sick and then what you eat comes up and out of your mouth.
Lacie: Oh, like throw up?
Me: Well, yes, like throw up.
Lacie: Did I ever puke mommy?
Me: Yes, once about two years ago you got sick to your tummy one time. And you puked while we were in China a few times.
Lacie: Mommy, how can I grow small?
Me: You can’t grow small Lacie – you only keep growing bigger. Why do you want to grow small?
Lacie: Well, when we go back to China to visit how will my birth mommy and my nanny know me if I am so big?
Me: Oh Lacie, they will know you.
Lacie: What will they say?
Me: They will say, “Wow Lacie, you have grown up so pretty.”
Lacie: Can we talk about puke again?
Did you notice how we transitioned to China? It is amazing how her mind processes information and what she is thinking about. So, I guess the conversation was over for a time. I am not about to tell her yet that she won’t see her birth family – when she is older we will process that – or maybe if she asks more questions. Am I wrong about this? We do honor birth families in our family. It is important I think for them to know we know and accept that they were born not just in another country but from another family.
Speaking of adoption - we went to an adoption picnic this last weekend. Our homestudy agency hosts it and it is so wonderful to be there with over a hundred of other families who have adopted. To look across the field and see blended families it is/was so beautiful. I have contemplated not sharing this next story - but thought it deserves time and thought from others. It has disturbed me for several days. So, I share it now - hoping not to offend others with the negativity. It is just that there are uneducated and good intentioned people out there who just have no clue.
While Paul was on a pony ride I was standing and taking his picture and this older woman (clearly someone's grandma) asked me if Paul was from Korea. I said yes. She said, she guessed because only girls come from China. (I felt like I was talking to Lacie if you remember my earlier post). I should have stopped the conversation there, but instead I said, "Well there are many boys adopted from China." She responded, with, "yes, but they are not perfect - they have hair-lip (her term not mine) or other problems." I was astonished - really. I began to look around for quite possibly a young boy from china that could be in listening distance - hoping none were around to hear this horrific conversation. I mean, I have expected similar uneducated conversations outside of adoption circles but my guard was down at an event that was all about adoption. I finally responded to this lady - "Every boy from China is a perfect and beautiful boy." And I got my son from his pony and walked away.
Grammy made this outfit - isn't it too too cute?
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