05/09/2010 Happy Mother's Day!

I am a very very blessed woman! I have the most wonderful children in the world! I would never have guessed 5 years ago that my life would be so full and so awesome. I mean, ok, I thought it might be, but really - God is amazing. He knew what He was doing when He closed my womb and filled my heart with my OWN children through adoption.

On this day I also want to recognize and remember that my children have birthmothers and they have a foster mother and an Ayi (nanny) who loved them and cared for them before we were brought together. On this mothers day I will pray for the mothers who came before me, and actually provided the lives of my children so that I could be their forever mommy.



Happy Mothers day to my special mom, John's mom, our step-mothers, and all the women who at some time along the way or our lives, have loved us and/or mentored us.

Happy mother's day to all kinds of moms: bio, adopted, foster, aunts, grandmother's, and friends. Biology is the least of what makes someone a mother!

04/26/2010 - Paul Taekwondo - Nuff said

OK. I will say a little more . . .

HE IS TOO CUTE!







OK, one more thing . . . Just three weeks ago, he would not participate at all. In fact, he was more concerned with digging the sock fuzz from between his toes.

Blessings!

04/13/2010 Adoption Disruptions . . .

Before I share my random thoughts and opinions on disruptions . . . I want say that we love and respect and believe in both our placement and home study agencies, the directors and workers. Any negative feelings or thoughts shared are about the adoptive/adoption system itself. And I want to add that our personal adoption experience has been amazing and we have awesome children – as you can see by our blog. And yes, we have our fair share of issues – we are definitely not in denial.

So, while doing what many people were probably doing today – internet searching for anything on the very recent disruption of the little 7 year old boy adopted from Russia – I ran across a forum of women who, like many, are disturbed about the events surrounding this little boy. But what disturbed me reading this was the violence these women shared of what they would like to do to that adoptive mom. They demonized the mother and referred to the boy sympathetically as “Damien.”

While some or all of the women mentioned above were directly related to an adoption, many people who have these negative feelings on what happened have no direct connection to adoption at all. I want to encourage anyone who might pass judgment too not be too harsh on mother or child unless those shoes have been personally walked in. For truly, we don’t know what we would do unless we did.

Adoption Disruption – what are my views? I am not an expert. I do not hold a psychology, social worker, human services or other type degree. I only have my own experience of adopting two children internationally.

For personal background . . . for each of our adoptions, John and I had a home study, three or more types of background checks, a stranger came into our home to visit it, look at it and ask us personal questions, physical exams and doctor reports, bank statements and a letter from a bank to prove we were financially able to feed and clothe a child, proof of city water and electricity, proof of employment – letters from our bosses that outlined our income and our job security, letters from friends and family noting that we were good people and the list goes on. We also had to take about 10 or so parenting courses (CPR, travel, physical health of internationally adopted children, developmental delays, cultural differences, etc.) If someone wanting to get pregnant had to answer any of the questions above – it would be considered against their “civil rights” (but I digress). I share all this because it is not easy to adopt. Our (adoptive parents) lives are under scrutiny before we even begin to consider being a parent.

So, what in my personal non-expert opinion went wrong with this or any disruption? Why not demonize the mother in this situation? Who is to blame? Should someone or something be blamed? Maybe? Probably? I have to admit that my first gut instinct and reaction was to say, “how could she?” Anytime a child is hurt, injured, abandoned – we want to first blame the person closest to them . . . how could they: leave a gun in their reach? Shake such an innocent baby? Leave a precious baby alone at the hospital and walk away? Put her in the trash in the college dorm? How could they?

But in this case – it was an adoptive mom, someone who I would assume really wanted to parent (to some degree) an at risk child. I would assume she paid over 25,000 U.S. dollars. I would assume she made two separate trips to Russia for this adoption. I would assume her life was looked at much like I described above – background checks, etc. I assume she had some kind of passion for children. I assume she was not an evil person. I assume she was not a bad person. I want to only assume the best about her intentions. Why did she choose to adopt? What was on her mind? What could possess her to send a 7-year-old boy, only in her care for six months, back to Russia?

If I were to place blame, I would blame it on the “general” system and lack of education.

While John and I were having all aspects of our lives studied, and we had to attend parenting classes, and we were given a list of articles to read and a list of books to buy or check out, we were really never ever forced to look at what happens to a child emotionally? What they go through when they are abandoned? What it means? Were they ever given a chance to love someone or attach to someone? What was their prenatal care like? Were they abused? Neglected? Left in a crib to cry for long periods of time? Our agencies did not prepare us for any of these “what-ifs” beyond just touching on the topics briefly.

To the credit of some close friends, we were given opportunities to look at attachment and bonding issues, sensory issues, reactive attachment disorder, and other more intense potential issues we could face as adoptive parents of internationally adopted children. We were also open to suggestions of our initial care of our children. For example, we were very intentional to not let others hold our children, feed them, diaper them, bathe them, rock them or spend time with them outside of their visual sight of us for quite a long time.

And so, we (adoptive parents) come home from a foreign country, with a baby or child on a different time zone and sleep schedule; and quite possibly while in their country of birth we (adoptive parents) get stomach bugs or other horrific travelers illness, lose weight, etc. AND there is also some science behind the fact that adoptive moms may also experience some type of post-partum depression – which can last for some time.

And with all that . . . all that baggage just from travels alone, we (adoptive parents) really have never been truly prepared for what many parents face when arriving home with very very hurt children, angry children, physically violent children. And we also don’t want to face the fact that children hurt children. Sometimes an older adopted child can hurt other children already living in the home.

And so, while I really can’t speak on Russian adoptions and children, and I believe most internationally adopted children do not come home as the worst of the worse; I do believe it is probably the worst nightmare to live through and experience as parents if they do. So I don’t want to demonize the parent.

It is all very scary. And every potential adoptive parent should be educated on what the scariest scenario could be. And every adoptive parent should be educated on resources and what to do in case of an unexpected emergency related to adoption. Parents should be taught that they are not alone. They are not failures if their kids do have problems and they need outside help. If adoptive parents are taught this and more before placement then maybe, just maybe this little 7-year-old boy could still be with the mom who adopted him. Maybe other adopted children who have died at the hands of their parents would still be alive. Maybe, just maybe . . .

Adoption is not for the faint at heart or mind. So – in my non-expert opinion, if there is blame to be placed – I blame the fact that adoptive parents are not really educated and prepared for the “worst of the worse.”

04/04/2010 Happy Easter / "Dear Jesus . . . "

After celebrating Easter with John's family on Saturday, Lacie prayed tonight all on her own, "Dear Jesus, thank you for a wonderful day. Thank you that we got to look for Easter eggs and thank you for a good night. And Jesus - thank you for my family. Bless our friends and family. In your most holy and precious name we pray, Amen."

Oh yes I am proud of her and OH yes she is precious in His sight.

Happy Easter!

How can it be . . . 2 YEARS!

It is so hard to believe it has been two years since Paul joined our family. We continue to be amazed at how wonderful and sweet and loving and feisty and bossy and funny and awesome he is. He has come so far from that sweet little sad and scared boy we received in Korea after we said goodbye to his foster family.


Our cute little guy after being home one year:


And now -




BTW - he does still have a wonderful sister. It seems that I have spent more time on Paul posts lately. More to come though and will include our wonderful girl!

03/15/2010 Turning 3!

After 2 weeks of stating EVERY day, "I wan a Tar Birday," Paul finally got to celebrate turning 3 years old. The last three days before his Cars birthday party, Paul began to ask deliberately, "wan eeee my take." (want to eat my cake).

He was so excited about his birthday party that he seemed to be overwhelmed when it finally got here. It was like he did not know what to do with the attention.


Then he began to act shy:


Then he decided to have a little bit of fun:


But when he began to open his presents, he seemed to get shy again. But overall, he had fun and he got to play with his best friends for several hours.



Paul has been quite precious I must say. My son is probably them most wonderful and awesome boy I have ever met - and I have met many. He is a very happy boy and loves to laugh and find humor in most everything. Even strangers tell us that he is the happiest kid they have ever met. I believe it. And yes, he has bad and frustrating moments. He often does not get his way and he will make his frustration known. But overall, he is pretty amazing.

Paul loves cars, trains, motorcycles, and playing with his "Fisher Price little people." He also likes to dress up with Lacie and play "prince and princess." He has a great imagination. He rolls up any piece of paper into a tube and will put it to his eye and say, "I piyat." (I am a pirate.)

One of his favorite statements right now is, "I do dat mytelt." He is very independent. And in the last six months, he has grown up so much. In November he finally gave up the bottle. We told him it broke. He took it very well, but at the time he was not verbal enough to talk about it. Just recently when our little 7 month old friend visited, Paul informed me with a little frown, "my babble boat." (my bottle broke). He is just now getting enough words to use and to feel safe to communicate. During our December/ Christmas break, mommy finally moved out of Paul's room. So that was a big transition as well. He had co-slept since he was with his foster family in Korea. We did move Lacie's bed in his room - so they share a room now and that has helped them both go to sleep easier.

Paul has taken gymnastics now for the last year or so. He began his first class of Taekwondo this evening. He even has a little martial arts uniform to wear. He actually clung to me the whole time, but was told by Master Twyman that he was being very normal for his age and will warm up. The other 3 year olds in the room were so cute and amazing.

Personally - I was sad and gloomy all last week because my baby was turning "3." I did not realize I would take it that hard. I did not feel that way when Lacie turned 3 - but I think that was because we knew we were in the process to adopt another baby and it was easier to take. Now I look at both my babies and I want to hold time still and breathe it all in and savor each moment of the time they are little. But I can't so I will try and enjoy every minute I have with them.

03/08/2010 ITS MAWRCH!

Spring is almost here - but while it is still considered winter I want to share our snow pictures. It seems that the shortest month of the year felt like the longest. We had some bizarre weather and lots of snow - bouts of snow really. So, Lacie kept asking, "when will it be March? But she pronounces it like there is a huge "W" in the word. "maWrch." Ha Ha. So, on March first, she jumped out of bed that morning and began to jump up and down saying, "Its Mawrch! Its Mawrch!" Then she looks at her brother and said, "Paul, this is your birthday month." Paul starts to ask me, "I wan a TAR birday." (I want a Car birthday.) (the movie "Cars.")

So, here are some of our snow photos.







In some of the photos, you can see we were still getting huge snow flakes.

We made two snow men and a fort.




We decided to represent all our countries at our snow fort. So, we stuck our country flags in the rim.





Paul is so familiar with his countries flag that when he sees it in other settings he recognizes it. We were watching the opening ceremonies of the Olympics and when the Korean team marched in Paul got all excited and pointed to the TV. I said, Yes, Paul, that is the Korean team. Then I realized he noticed the flag they were carrying. He pointed to that flag on the TV and then pointed to his flag in our family room and he said, "My." Yes, Paul, that is your flag. I was so proud of him for noticing his flag.

My baby turns 3 this week. It is amazing and hard to believe that he is not really a baby anymore. I mean, he is MY baby - but he really is a big boy. And also, when I look at Lacie - I too am amazed at how big and old and mature and smart she is. She is going to kindergarten this year. Where did my babies go? AND how did it happen so fast? It is like I woke up one day and they were bigger - and my babies just went away.

Speaking of kindergarten . . . we have struggled with our school system as we have tried to figure where to send our daughter for kindergarten. Kids here don't go to the neighborhood school traditionally. There are multiple schools in an area or a "cluster." It is really too difficult to go in to, but needless to say it has been a headache trying to visit schools and make a proper decision about the "best school" for Lacie and then she may not get in that school anyway. The school we want her in actually teaches Chinese, so we hope she gets in - we think that will be a great opportunity for her.

Paul's birthday is coming and so is Spring. It is good.